England 0-0 Algeria – having witnessed by far the worst England Team performance in my lifetime, Hype from the media have forced me to attempt to re-write that famous world cup anthem 3 Lions.

And the FA today changed its mind and decided that England could have it as their official World Cup song, so as to take people’s minds off their inevitable failure at winning that competition. This is it:

“3 Lions”

[spoken]
Alan Hansen: I think all these foreign players dominating English clubs is bad for our game
Trevor Brooking: We’re just not good enough, we only won in sixty-six by a fix

It won’t come home
It won’t come home
It won’t
The Cup won’t come home

[spoken] Jimmy Hill: We’ll go on losing quarterfinals, losing semis, losing semis on penalties

It won’t come home
It won’t come home
It won’t
The Cup won’t come home

Everyone seems to know the score
They’ve seen it all before
They just know
They’re so sure

That England’s gonna
Lose in the group
To Slovenia
Why are we so poor

England can’t win sports
Why not just accept it?
Forty Four years of lies
We are bored with it

So many jokes,
so many jeers
And xenophobic fears
And hooligans too
Mean more tear gas tears

But I still see that linesman
Ignoring the ball
And when it was given
We thought we were tall

England can’t win sports
Why not just accept it?
Forty four years of lies
We are bored with it

[spoken]
John Motson: England have bottled it once more against Algeria!
David Coleman: What an embarrassment! Steven Gerrard is in every way

So many Scots want us to lose
And Irish and Welsh too
They all get out the booze
And hope we’re beaten

But when Rooney explodes
Looks like a sad fool
He rants at the fans
How demoralising -

England can’t win sports
Why not just accept it?
Forty Four years of lies
We are bored with it

England can’t win sports
Why not just accept it?
Forty Four years of lies
We are bored with it

They’re coming home
They’re coming home
They’re coming home early again

They’re coming home
They’re coming home
They’re coming home early again’

(Words and music by 60 million frustrated and somewhat delusional England fans; hype by the BBC, Sky Sports and ITV)Backing vocal support provided by 10 million Scottish and Welsh Football Fans.